I had a pretty typical pregnancy. I started getting nauseous and totally exhausted around 6 weeks and it let up by 13 weeks. I started feeling Braxton hicks contractions pretty early this go-round. Like around 15 weeks. And during the summer around 25 weeks my ribs started aching like crazy. Like I could feel them stretching open. The heartburn started amping up around that time and never went away. I attribute all the beautiful hair on Jacks head to all the crazy heartburn.
I was able to hike the entire pregnancy. I tried to hike at least once a week when I was in town and even when I was out of town a lot of times I'd manage to hike (like the Y in Utah or Tomas Point in Oak Creek). I also did a decent amount of pregnancy yoga. It wasn't a rigorous workout, but I enjoyed it.
The week leading up to Jack's arrival I did my best to tie up loose ends which felt really good. I managed to take Oliver on an after school date to get fries and shakes at the habit. I was able to take lunch to Peter at school (I'm so sad I didn't get a picture of that). Tim and I picked out bathroom sinks and got some other decisions made on our house and we got to go out to lunch with Molly the day before I had Jack.
For some reason this pregnancy felt more stressful than the others. My anxiety always shoots through the roof when I am pregnant, which I hate!! And even though I'd had three healthy pregnancy's and delivery's, for some reason I felt like rolling the dice for the fourth time put me at bigger risk for having complications (thank you anxiety). Early on in the pregnancy I had an anti-E protein blah blah blah that showed up on my blood work. So I went to see a specialist and had a couple extra ultra-sounds done. Everything looked good and the protein was "insignificant" so the specialist wasn't worried about it, but still....you never know. And at the 34 week ultra-sound the baby was measuring almost 7 pounds which would have made for a giant baby by 40 weeks, so that was a concern. And then I had this random looming thought that I could die during labor. Morbid I know, and I have never gone their before with my other deliveries, but this go round I was much more aware of the risk a mother puts herself in to have a baby.
The night I went into labor or the early morning :) I was thinking clearly. I was able to take a shower and shave my legs before Tim came home from work to take me to the hospital. It felt good to be fresh and clean. Tim and my dad gave me a blessing before we left for the hospital and it helped put my mind at ease....but that didn't last very long. I was feeling contractions but didn't know if that meant I was going to have the baby soon or if this was just the beginning of a long labor. I hate the uncertainty of not knowing for sure what my body is doing when labor starts. By the time we got to the hospital (at 3:30am) things were quiet and seemed kind of sad. I felt sad. Everything was going to change. This new baby was going to take up so much of my time, my energy, my sleep. Time away from the three kids I already have and love and know. I started crying as we walked up to the hospital door. I've never done that before. Tim was super sweet. Then we got to registration and the girl who was checking us in smelled like smoke and was listening to upsetting head-banging music and I didn't feel any better about the situation. I got my sad hospital gown on. Why do hospital gowns make me so sad? They just seem vulnerable and awkward and while I get that they are convenient for the hospital, they really make the patient feel like a patient. But then I got to talk with the triage nurse. She was nice and young and enjoyable. She checked me and I was dilated to a 5. Relief, they weren't going to send me home. And then I got transferred to Labor and Delivery and got another great nurse. More relief. I was feeling contractions, they feel like the most uncomfortable menstrual cramps you've ever had. Like you can feel your body trying to move things along. The contractions hadn't gotten so bad....yet.
After two bags of IV fluid (which I politely asked my nurse to hurry along and she politely obliged) I got my epidural. This was surprisingly uncomfortable. There was way more pressure in my back than I remember. My left leg cramped up super bad and then there was a shock in it. But then, it was totally worth it. My lower half went just numb enough to take the edge off, but stayed alert enough that I could feel the pressures of the contractions.
After that, I felt so much relief. Peace almost. Having that epidural really calmed me down and I was able to close my eyes for a few minutes which felt good.
I made arrangements for my mom and sister to come down to the hospital to be there with me for the birth. The nurses changed shifts and the new nurse was awesome too. More relief!
My doctor's wife was having surgery on her foot at 1pm that day so I had the morning to have the baby if I wanted him to deliver, otherwise his partner was going to have to step in. This didn't phase me at all. I was pretty confident the baby was going to come. Even when my contractions slowed down after my epidural. The pitocin started working pretty soon after they got it hooked up and my contractions came back regular and strong.
I got to sit in the room with my mom and sister and Tim and we laughed and chatted for a little while and then it was time to have a baby. Whitney had the assignment to take pictures and my mom kept telling me what a good job I was doing. Tim was actually delivering the baby. It was so sweet to look straight ahead and see his encouraging face. He was so encouraging and so proud.
After the first push, the doctor told me to wait for a minute. It was such a weird feeling. Everyone could see the top of the Jack's head. They couldn't get over how much hair they could see and I could feel the pressure of his head in my pelvis which was so weird. And then after the second push I delivered the rest of his head. Also super weird. I looked down and their was the top of the little guys head...what the madness and miracle!! Then two more pushes and out he came. He was here. He was healthy. I didn't die. It was seamless. I was so overwhelmed with love for that baby and gratitude for that moment. That I could be totally present and aware. That things were calm. And I felt a deep gratitude and respect for my body. Thank you body for doing it!! For making FOUR bodies for the sweetest spirits.
The next 24 hours were great. Aside from the fact that my left leg was totally dead from the epidural. Like total dead leg for the next 12 hours...which was actually kind of entertaining. I got lots of random cat naps. Had a wonderful time introducing the kids to Jack. They were so excited to meet him. And I got to go home a little more than 24 hours after giving birth.
The first week adjusting to a newborn is typically a challenging one. I was so grateful to have Tim home. He is beyond helpful. And being at my moms house was helpful too.
My milk came in on Sunday. And my milk doesn't just come in. It COMES in. That is always pretty uncomfortable. I struggle with nursing. And this time it wasn't even the "ball and chain" feeling, but more the engorgement and sore nipples that was getting me down. I finally went to a lactation consultant and she was super helpful. One thing that is super crazy the first week of nursing is what it does to the rest of your body. I swear every time that baby latches on it signals the rest of the body to get to work. My uterus starts cramping like crazy and I can feel it trying to shrink. I can also feel a surge of hormones being released throughout my body (weird I know, but so true). It makes me super thirsty and hungry. And it hurts my back!! But it's also bizarrely satisfying to allow my body to continue feeding the body that it just spent the last nine months creating. Nursing is a lot of work, but it is also rewarding.
So, there we go. All the things that nobody wants to know, but I don't want to forget.
This weekend was General Conference for The Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints. We watched 9 1/2 hours of prophets, apostles and leaders of the church give guidance and council. It was inspiring. I made me want to do and be better. I feel extra grateful I had Jack so close to such an uplifting weekend. Jack is such a blessing to our little family. I'm so grateful I get to be his mother. And I am so grateful for all of my children. Being their mother is my life's greatest blessing and greatest challenge. I hope I don't let them down. And of course there is no one I'd rather parent those four beautiful children with than Tim. He is the best husband and partner and father.
Megan and I hiked on the Tuesday before Jack was born. I made it right up to the end.
I got in a nap with my sweet baby girl.
After school date with Oliver.
Lunch date with Tim and Molly the day before Jack came.
Spraying some dry shampoo in my hair before delivery. I had time to freshen up so I wouldn't look too scary in pictures.
Tim catching the baby.
So overwhelmed with love and gratitude in the picture.
And so happy to be done :)
I felt so so lucky that Whitney got to be there...
And my mother
Peter loves that sweet baby.
So far Molly does too!!
And so does sweet Oliver.
This was the first time after having a baby they let me walk out of the hospital. And I was so grateful I felt good enough to do that.
This is my lumpy armpit with milk in it!! It's pretty awful!
I've been able to have some pretty sweet moments with this sweet newborn. I'm trying my very hardest to soak up the moment, because I know it will be over in no time and there is no getting it back.
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