A Caboose

As soon as we had Molly I started stressing (being me is exhausting), was I done having kids?? Was Molly going to be our last? And if not WHEN would we have another? For some reason that always looms over me after I've had a baby. Well, I wrestled with it for a good 14 months and then Tim and I decided there was one more baby up their waiting for us. So we found out at the beginning of October that we were expecting. We were so excited. The baby was due in June. And then in November while I was in Utah at my cousins wedding I started bleeding. I found out as soon as I got home that I was miscarrying. This was totally new territory for me. I have been super lucky to have no complications getting pregnant or carrying my babies. So what did this mean? Was I really supposed to be done at three? And the other thing that I found weird was that I wasn't overly sad about the whole thing. I just felt grateful that it was early on (9 weeks) and that I already had three healthy kids. 

Tim and I decided to press the reset button. We waited a couple of months and made sure that we were still felt good about having a fourth. We found out at the end of January that we are expecting this October. And we just found out it's another BOY! I'll admit, I was really hoping for a sister for Molly because my sister is my saving grace, but I know that there is a reason I am having another little boy and I am also extra grateful that I got my Molly. I'm also a little overwhelmed by the fact that I am having a fourth, inadequate is the only word I can think of. I'm kinda feeling like I will be much more prepared in the Fall than I would have been next month. In all of this I am just reminded that I am NOT in control. I have a Heavenly Father who is in charge. He has a plan for me. AND he is there for me. So when I am feeling out of my mind with four kids, his little spirts that he has given me charge over, he will be there to help me and support me if I let him in and that is such a comfort to me. 

I have two bins of girl clothes and half a rack of baby dresses in Molly's closet. I've been able to part with an entire bin, but I am struggling with the idea of letting go of the rest. I think it will be good for me to give them to friends and people who will use them when the timing is right. But for now I'll just hang onto them. With Molly's Birthday coming up and all the pregnancy hormones whirling I am a giant sentimental mess! 

I always take a picture of my pregnancy tests, just so I can refer back to it if I need to so I know I'm not crazy....maybe that makes me crazy!

First ultrasound. The little peanut!

It's a boy!!

With the sweetest little profile!

I feel really good about having our little caboose. Finishing up my childbearing days and then turning all of my attention to the beautiful children I've been blessed with. I'm glad we're having just one more and I'm going to do my absolute best to enjoy all the these experiences one last time.