As deep as it gets

I had a little experience this morning that I wanted to record. Nothing too profound....I'm usually not too profound. Just something I wanted to remember for when the days get rough.

This morning I buckled both of my boys in the double BOB stroller and headed over to the park that is close to our house. It's a little less than a mile away. I am dying to get some sort of daily exercise in (it's amazing how much better I fee physically and mentally when I exercise, it's finding the time that's the issue), and "jogging" to the park with the boys seems like a good win/win to me. I get in a little exercise and Oliver gets to play at the park for a while and Peter...well Peter is along for the ride.

We'd only been at the park for a few minutes when I noticed a little boy walking toward the park. He was holding a stuffed puppy and had an obvious physical disability that could be noticed by the way that he walked and how his right arm hung limp in some sort of a splint. He also had an eye patch on his right eye. Oliver was bouncing on one of the park toys and the boy walked right up to him. He was a few years older than Oliver and I wanted to stand by, just to make sure the two were nice to each other. The boy looked right at me. "This is Gus" he said with a lisp, holding up his stuffed puppy and showing him to me. I was holding Peter. "Does he like puppies?" he asked motioning to Peter. "I'm not sure yet" I replied, "He's still pretty little". The boy proceeded to tell me that his name was Nick, he was 8 about to turn 9 in March and that he wanted to go see Mr. Peabody and Sherman for his Birthday. He was going to invite his whole class, that's seven people. He likes everyone in his class except for this one girl. He was there with his nanny and his little sister Kate who's 5. He then started asking Oliver if he wanted to dig holes in the sand with him. After brushing off his shyness, Oliver obliged and Nick proceeded to follow Oliver around the playground. At one point Oliver started climbing up the playground equipment. "I can't do that," Nick said. "I have a weak side." There was something so sweet and tender about this very confident boy who was very aware that he was "different". It felt so good to give him some positive attention and even better to watch my sweet two year old interact with him like he was the same as every other kid at the park. I wish that Oliver's nonjudgemental little two year old self will stay that way and I am going to do my very best to instill that unconditional love in him.

The entire time we were at the park I watched as the nanny sat on the bench talking and texting on her phone. I get that, I babysat a ton when I was a teenager and it's hard to stay engaged all the time. But the experience reminded me of how happy I am that I decided to be a stay at home mom. The days some time seem long and monotonous. The praise and validation are minimal, but there is no where else I would rather be. It would be heartbreaking to leave my sweet boys every day and miss the cute things they do and say. It would be sad to leave them with someone and hope that they would play with them and listen to them and enjoy them. I know that financially we would be a lot more comfortable if I worked, but no amount of money would be worth missing these crazy hard and crazy fun days with my little boys. Which in turn makes me so grateful for a hardworking husband who is working his tale off to provide for our little family which allows me to stay home. He works long hours and often has to come home and study for quiz's and exams. He is so helpful with the boys when he's home and he's always willing to give me a moment away from the madness. He makes it possible for me to do what I do and I couldn't do it without him.

In all, I am so grateful for my hard exciting challenging job as a mom and for all of the wonderful experiences I get to enjoy as a result. Feeling so blessed today.